Professor Layton and the Mystery of the Phallic Phantom
by Onionshaveogres
Summary: When the professor gets an invitation to the "Tea Shoppe," he gets much more than he had bargained for. From simple mortal to a god amongst men, follow the epic journey of Layton as he discovers his inner calling.


"'Fessah! The mailman has a package for you!" shouted Luke Triton, Professor Layton's self-proclaimed apprentice. "Luke my boy, would you be a gentleman and fetch it for me?" Layton asked, sipping his tea. "Sure 'fessah!" Luke said cheerfully as he rushed to fetch the package. Layton chuckled to himself. What a kind young lad. His parents had raised him well. After receiving the package, Layton examined it curiously, finding no indication of a sender. He opened the brown, paper package with burning intellectual fervour. Layton opened his face dots as widely as they could. A ticket? To the new "tea shop" down in Manchester? _It must be a secret admirer_ , he thought to himself excitedly. "'Fessah, what did you get in the mail?" asked Luke, breaking Layton's racing inner musings. "Oh, n..nothing Luke. Listen, I must go away on some business. Do you mind holding down the fort for me while I'm gone?" he stammered. "Of course professah!" Luke chirped, happy at a chance to help the professor. "Alright then, I'm off," said Layton. "Wait, professah, don't you need your coat?" Luke called after him. "No..no..I really must be off now. Take care!" Before Luke could question his mentor any further, Layton slammed the door and dashed over to his car.

As he drove down the pothole-ridden roads through the vast deserts of wet, gloomy little old England, Layton could barely keep in his excitement. _An admirer_ , he thought, _and one who invited me to the "tea shop" at that_. Layton could feel his trousers rubbing against his erection. _Don't worry, little Layton, you'll get your cup of tea soon enough_.

It took a few hours of driving through the desert, but finally he reached Manchester that evening. He drove past the merry suburban houses to the darker, more filthy area of the city. He finally stopped at a small joint with a flickering neon sign reading, "The Tea Shoppe." Layton stepped out of the car, his penis now at full top hat mode. He rushed over to the entrance, only to find it closed for the night. "What...but.." he whined in an uncharacteristically ungentlemanly way. Something quite strange was going on."Oy! did you come 'ere for The Tea Shoppe?" spoke some shady-looking tramp walking past. "Sorry, ol' chap, but it's closed. I guess the owners are too afraid o' the phantom to come out of their houses." Layton stopped sniveling for a moment and faced him. "A phantom you say?" "Yep," said he. "It's been haunting these parts for weeks now." Layton suddenly grinned. A mystery! "I'll get right on it, good sir!" he shouted as he scrambled past the man. If there was anything Professor Layton loved more than fornicating, it was puzzles.

When he asked around, Layton found that the phantom supposedly appeared after dark in the Gaylord Dale, a lovely meadow just outside the town. He went to investigate, equipped only with a torch that night, where he waited for the spectre to reveal itself. Layton sat upon the dewy ground, trying to keep his face dots open in the face of exhaustion. He sat ever so quietly and patiently. At the stroke of midnight, a piercing cry resounded through the meadow echoing despite the lack of hard surfaces for which to echo off. Layton immediately rose, and crept towards the source of the noise. As he watched, he could see the faint outline of a ghost of some sort, and a near-intangible psychic power drawing him nigh. But then, he stopped. There it was, the phantom in all its glory. A great phallus two yards high, tall and erect, was floating in the air before him. Its tip, small and delicate, was leaking with glistening white dribbles. Layton absentmindedly licked his lips. He had never seen a member of such proportion and beauty.

The psychic power growing in intensity, Layton instinctively unbuckled his trousers and took his own phallus into his hands. He began stroking it, gently at first, then lost control and pumped at full force.

 _STOP_. _WHO DARES MASTURBATE IN MY PRESENCE._

The booming voice made Layton stop at once. The once pacific phallus was red with rage, its tip spurting and spluttering with every word it spoke. _WHO DARE DISTURBETH THE PRESENCE OF I, SCROTUS MAGNO, THE GUARDIAN OF GAYLORD DALE?_ The phallus turned its noble head downward to face Layton's quaking frame. _I SEE_ _THOU HAST A PENIS OF ADMIRABLE GIRTH. I SHALL BLOW MY LOT OF WISDOM INTO THEE_. The engorged member reared its head and let out an earsplitting scream. Without so much as a warning, it plunged itself into Layton's taut rectum. Layton gasped in shock. He had never even attempted shoving something so massive in there before. It was agonizing at first, but once the phallus had driven in far enough, it started feeling surprisingly pleasant. Layton rocked back and forth, moving with the penis, pumping his own all the while. Finally, glistening with sweat, the phallic phantom released its semen into the professor's gut. Layton felt a sudden jolt, and felt the history of the entire universe spill into him. He could see everything, past, present, and future, as well as everything that could have been or could be. The penis shuddered, and withdrew from Layton's now ample anus. It disappeared, like a dream, into the fog from whence it came.

When Layton awoke, the first thing he noticed was his infinite wisdom of the universe. The second thing was his heavily distended colon. He smiled. He now knew the answer to every puzzle that was, and every puzzle that will be. Layton stood, now a god, with his disfigured rectum as proof of enlightenment. He slowly got up and walked back to the town. Now he could get that cup of tea he had been hankering for.


End file.
